The Weight of Silence

In my bedroom, on a bookshelf, there is a box, dusty with neglect, which holds journals filled with my broken dreams, secrets, fears, stories, and ideas.  Each volume acts as sedimentary rock layers carbon-dating a specific moment in time and preserving the stages of my growth.  I fancy myself a writer, but usually I hesitate at admitting it out loud.  It seems almost childish, to still hold on to dreams, always hoped for yet never actively pursued.  My passion includes many creative forms: storytelling, acting, crafting, teaching, serving my community, and more than anything I want to help people.

So…what happened?

Why am I not doing what I love most?  Why am I not sharing my gifts with the world?  What happens to the dreamer deferred?

I’ve stayed as quiet as kept when it comes to the dreams I truly desire most.  I keep them for myself and hold on to them like they’re sacred artifacts that become more and more fragile if exposed to the light.  I often worry that if I tell people what I really want to do then they’ll be there judging me, reminding me of all the things I’ve failed at so far, and of the things I have yet to achieve.

Remaining silent about my heart’s desire was protective for me at one time; silence is a learned defense mechanism.  However, silence doesn’t serve me well anymore.  Yes, I don’t have anybody looking down on me for my achievements (or lack there of), but I don’t have anyone looking up at me either.

Silence is not always golden.  That’s why I will share my work within this blog.  My gifts can help someone, so no more keeping them to myself.  Here I will share what I’ve been hoarding exclusively in journals for years.  Here are my stories, my struggles, my successes; here are my fears, my failures, my foolishness; here are my wishes, my wins, and my wisdom.

I invite you to share in my journey.  Each week I will have a new challenge that keeps moving me forward in the direction of my dreams.  I honestly believe that there is no expiration date on our dreams.  However, I also believe that dreams remain just dreams, if we sleep on them.

It’s time to dust off that box of broken, deferred, and forgotten dreams.  It’s time to pick up and get moving.  The journey begins again.

Come in, you are welcome here.